17 year olds will be the death of me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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