he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
