forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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