i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
