Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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