I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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