I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
