Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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