Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
