he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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