you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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