You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
