alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
