Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
