margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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