I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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