I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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