you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
