Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
