i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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