If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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