How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
