If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
no, he came in my armpit
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
