I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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