I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
