I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
