so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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