Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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