oh god the rape fog is back!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
