there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
