If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
