The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
