im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
