Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
