I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
