Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
