Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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