So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
