You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
