Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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