you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I fill condoms, not promises.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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