I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
