Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Text me some of your sweat
Someone signed my nipple.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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