I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
