I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
