Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
