If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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