I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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