some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
