Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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