He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize