I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
